Risky Behaviours in Teens with ADHD: How you can help your child make safer choices?
“Late summer afternoon was slanting in through my office window when I met with Annmarie. We had conversed for some time when I asked her to choose a word that best described her experience of motherhood. She looked at me quizzically, with an almost guilty smile. “Really?” she asked. “Just one word?” What a strange request, really, when every mother and father has a river of emotions about their connection to their offspring. Dip in, at any point along the bank, and you’ll draw up a cascade of memories, sentiments, questions, and hopes. Annmarie was clearly devoted to her eight-year-old twins, Peter and Krista. I wanted to see which of her emotions would float to the surface, demanding to be acknowledged. Actually, it wasn’t hard for her to choose.
“Worry.”
The word hung in the air between us, clearly honest and deeply felt. Annmarie continued, saying she could speak for hours of her love for her two beautiful children. She could easily spend an afternoon trying to explain what a blessing they were, and how much they meant to her. But since I had asked her to describe the experience of motherhood in just one word, she said she had to acknowledge what she felt most of all, from day to day: worry. “Before I had kids, nobody ever mentioned this….how my heart would crack open, as a mother, and be filled with worry.”
(Kim John Payne, Simplicity Parenting, Page 163)
Put yourself in the shoes of someone who has ADHD (or you may be someone who does have ADHD). You may be spontaneous. You may think outside of the box. You may have a slow processing speed. You may be forgetful. You may love conversations. You may blurt out answers before thinking through your choice.
Now imagine marrying that up with being in a “teenager’s world”. A world where you are constantly bombarded with new experiences….and novelties...and choices. How easy would it be for you to make decisions? How easy would it be to have to think and react on the fly? How many risky behaviours do you think you might choose? (those teenage years sure are fast-paced, aren’t they?).
According to Understood.org, researchers have found a number of links between ADHD and risky behaviours in teens. These include behaviours such as problems with school (disruptions in class, being late, losing materials), problems with driving (dangerous and distracted driving), having sex at a younger age and with a greater number of sexual partners and being less likely to use contraception. Other research shows that teens who have ADHD are more likely to use cigarettes, alcohol and illicit drugs earlier than those without ADHD (Child Mind Institute).
Overwhelmed yet? Worried (even more than usual)? That feels like a lot, doesn’t it? Take a deep breath. Here are some ways that you can help your teen make safer choices and reduce risky behaviours:
Understand your child’s challenges. For example, if your teen struggles with executive function, consider how that might affect their decision-making and judgement skills. Talk to them directly and honestly about this. Knowing one’s own strengths and limitations will be of great benefit in those moments of decision-making. Learn more through our Parent Membership Community each month.
Discuss the realities and consequences of actions. Provide your child with scenarios or leading questions, and discuss what the outcome of some of these risky behaviours can be. Consider using real-life examples (books, Youtube videos and stories could all work!). Use statistics if that resonates with your child (overdose statistics or lung cancer numbers can be a disturbing but eye-opening talk!)
Make chats about sexual matters a comfortable conversation in your household. Erase the awkwardness and taboo around some of these “hard” conversations by letting your teen know that you are open to chat.
Set rules and make sure those rules are clear (even consider having them written down in a common area so that they can be referred to often). Structure, rules and boundaries help to set clear expectations and understanding.
Be open about alcohol and drug use. Let your child know that they can tell you anything, and that you are here to support them, judgement-free. Growing up, I remember how comforting it was to know I could call my parents at any time of the night for a safe ride home after a party if I didn’t trust myself or another driver, no questions asked.
Help your child by walking them through different scenarios that they may encounter, so that they are better prepared. Many teenagers may not even understand the types of offers, situations and decision making that will be put in front of them. By arming them with knowledge, they will be better set up for success!
Make a deal with your teen that they will always let you know where they are. This can not only help your teen if they get into a tricky situation, but no doubt will help parental worry too!
Encourage your teen to be involved in activities that provide structure and community. This can provide decision-making opportunities in a more controlled environment.
Make connections with staff at school. Developing a relationship with teachers, office staff and principals can provide you with not only an ally if you need help with your teen, but also another person who can be a supportive visible presence in your teen’s daily life.
Consider getting your teen involved in a type of mindful practice. Mindfulness is about being aware. Sometimes the word “mindfulness’ is confusing but it really is about helping you stay in the moment, slow down and pay attention. Mindfulness may also be part of your spiritual time as well.
“Mindfulness develops the individual’s inner skills. It improves your ability to control your attention by helping to strengthen your ability to self-observe, to train attention, and to develop different relationships to experiences that are stressful. In other words, it teaches you to pay attention to paying attention, and can also make people more aware of their emotional state, so they won’t react impulsively. That’s often a real problem for people with ADHD.” (ADDittude)
Creating a positive communication space for you and your teenager will help them to bounce ideas off of you and feel safe to explore their thoughts, choices and emotions. Listen to them and validate what they are feeling (isn’t validation what we all want?). The teen years are full of change and constant decision making. Share that you had to make many of the same types of choices as well when you were a teenager (and really try to remember what it was like for you!). However, also acknowledge that everyone’s path and experiences may be different. This will decrease any potential shame or stigma, normalize the process of making difficult decisions and feeling ALL the feelings, and hopefully help your teen to make safe choices.
““Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary.” ”