Anxiety: What not to say to your child and what I learned
When I read the title of this article "5 Things You Should Never Say to an Anxious Child".
My immediate thought was ...yikes what is it! What have I said wrong this time!!
I know I don't get things right. Who does? I'm not perfect but I do want to do the best that I can.
Anxiety is crazy-making.
At times, I would try to push through it. (That didn't work) Then I would try to work with it (That didn't work) Then I just got frustrated and felt like saying "Let's move on. (oh please) Let's... Let's... Let's...stop being anxious."
But it doesn't work that way.
And guess what? I was starting to feel anxious myself. I couldn't get a hold of this one.
I wanted to close my eyes. Hold my breath.
But it doesn't go away. Just. Like. That.
You might still find yourself saying these statements
(some of 5 things you should never say to an anxious child by goZen)
“It’s going to be OK. Trust me.”
“There’s nothing to be scared of.”
“Let me tell you all the reasons you don’t have to worry.”
“STOP BEING SUCH A WORRIER!”
You are just trying to work through the anxiety in a way you have been taught....the way I was taught.
But you can change your response to anxiety and gain more strategies and insight. You can get more support so anxiety can slowly move away from your child (and you).
So what did I learn:
1. It takes time.
There are no quick fixes. You have to slowly work through all the layers to find out what will support your child. Whether that is naming the anxiety and using breathing and visualization, or working through steps from an anxiety parent workshop, talking with professionals, or finding the right book that speaks directly to your child. (I used all these methods over time by the way)
It is a step by step process.
But keep track of the progress and let your child see and know they are mastering this anxiety thing! And when you start to see it...it's an awesome feeling.
2. you will have to learn too
Go to workshops for you the parent. Read blog articles. Listen to podcasts. Jump into knowing more.
I discovered that my child's physical health was impacting her ability to cope and her anxiety level. She had intestinal issues (aka Celiac) which impacts 90% of the serotonin in her brain. This is a big problem! But who addresses this? Well we found someone. Her name is Dr Irina Matveiikova and she came from Spain to talk about the brain and gut connection. Not just to do with emotions but also learning abilities. (Irina is part of our Resource Hub + Digital Library if you want to listen to her speak and review her content)
As well the anxiety workshops focused on anxiety but not the concerns when it comes to learning differences. Learning differences have a big impact on your emotions particularly when you are in a constant 'fight and flight mode'.
So you have to learn and then consider what parts are missing...and go find more on that area.
I bought a book for my daugher to work on anxiety and ended up returning it to Amazon. It wasn't the right fit. It didn't speak to her. In fact, it might have made her feel less empowered.
We did end up purchasing a book that was more a story based book about anxiety and the results were amazing. This book was Live Fearless by Sadie Robertson.
3. You have to reach out for help.
Yup, you can't do it alone.
You have to ask others to help you. Doctors. Teachers. Community Services. Shift Your Thinking Facebook Group. (and soon coming with our SYT Parent Community! Join our email list to learn more about it)
Do whatever it takes to support your child and get the anxiety monster off their back (and yours).
Susan
Your turn. Comment below and let us know how anxiety is impacting your child and you.